I feel it like a blanket, like a sudden snowfall, bowels moved by the lightening strike of neurons. Dendrites, brain branches affected by my DNA. I am not okay. I text my sister who says there there and my own voice echoes there there and it will be what it is it will be what it is supposed to be and now I see the mirrors again. My depression and loss stares back at me in the texts of another who was born of the same swamp of masochism as the others and he will love again and I will love again and the crazy will brew again percolating in my brain like an old coffee maker bubbling brown and thick. What of this temporary state and now how to absorb these bits back into my skin and map the potassium and sodium back in the direction that helps me to calm down and steep in peace that I can create in my heart. And in the morning I will drink coffee again and in the now I love.